WHAT IS CONSCIOUS SEXUALITY?

In a nutshell it is about bringing conscious awareness to our thoughts, desires, intentions and actions around sex. But what does that look like and why would we endeavour to have more conscious sexuality experiences?

Embodiment

So often we experience sex with our mind chatting and narrating along beside us.

“Should I do it like this?”

“Are they enjoying this?”

“Maybe I should try this”

“Does my breath smell bad?”

“Am I hard enough, wet enough, sexy enough?” etc etc

Maybe we are acting out a fantasy in our minds or playing a reel of the latest porn scene we’ve seen in order to induce some kind of erotic pleasure.

Can I tell you something? – Your erotic pleasure is not found in your mind, no matter how erotic the image might be. It’s found in your body. And it’s found in the present moment.

Embodied connection is being present in your body right now to sensations and feelings. It calls us to remember that our mind and body are connected. Using touch, sound, movement and breath we can learn to be more embodied, to listen and be guided by the body. What feels good? What doesn’t? How can I bring more non-judgemental curiosity to what I’m feeling and adjust it to what feels better? This is about practicing the art of tuning into the subtle energies within the body. Although they are subtle, they are powerful.

Experiencing the present moment is getting rid of the end goal and feeling into what is alive in your body right now. How can this present moment experience speak to you, guide you, heal you and connect you with your higher self? Can you get out of your mind and into your body? It’s about having no agenda, just open curiosity with what is present. I promise you, that alone can crack open the most mind-blowing intimate or erotic experiences.

Conscious sexuality is intimate – it is allowing all parts of us to show up and be present in sex, to be fully accepted (by ourselves and others) in any emotions that come up when being so genuinely embodied.

It leads us to a deeper connection between our body and spirit. It connects us to our sexual energy (known in Tantra as Ching energy) which is deeply nourishing and healing to the body and soul. Sexual energy is powerful in manifesting and creating in the physical world. This energy also cracks open our bodies to experience deeper pleasure.

Boundaries and Consent

Conscious Sexuality is about knowing your Yes’s and No’s and expressing them. It’s also about hearing the Yes’s and No’s of someone else and honouring and knowing the beauty of that authenticity. To give and be given clear boundaries is a wonderful gift in sexual connection and intimacy. It paves the way for deeper, juicer and more fulfilling sex when both parties feel safety in the parameters of the playing field! I can assure you that you can feel and have access to so much MORE when you know boundaries. They are not restrictions – they are permission pieces!

Communication is key and communication is sexy!

Conscious Sexuality is empowering. To be fully embodied, know what your body needs or wants and then to be able to express that and dance with someone in that way is empowering. It is aligning with your higher self; it is mastering your powerful sexual energy.

Intentions

To bring a conscious element to sex is to have a sense of awareness and an understanding of your intentions. Some like to follow the RBDSMA acronym for things to consider/discuss with a partner. It stands for:

Relationships – What other relationships could this interaction have an effect

on? Are you open relating/Polyamorous/Monogamous etc

Boundaries – What are your boundaries at the moment? (Note that boundaries can be different with different people and at different times. Just because someone is OK with someone one time, doesn’t mean they are at another time). This is why communication is sexy!

Desires – What are you desiring today? What are your desires in general with regards to sexual exploration?

Sexual health – Let’s make this one sexy too! When was the last time you had an STI check up? Have you experienced STI’s before? (no shame! It’s normal!)

Meaning – What does this experience mean to you? It’s also good to talk about intentions here.

Aftercare – What do you like or need with regards to aftercare? Eg. You might like to be held afterwards; you might like space. If it’s casual sex, you might like the other person to connect or check in after a day or so and be conscious not to “ghost”. You might also like to express how you like to be supported if the experience brings up anything emotional. Remember someone can always say no – that they aren’t able to provide that support. We need to get good at communicating our needs and hearing whether or not someone else can meet those needs.

Conscious Sexuality makes way for you to understand and explore your desires on a deeper level. Many of us have often interacted sexually from a place of what we think the other person is OK with, rather than from a place of our own desires.

It’s important to have an awareness of our societal conditioning around sex and be curious about why we think the way we do. Unfortunately, because of conditioning our sexual desires can often be attached to a lot of guilt and shame. Conscious sexuality practices can be healing for these areas of our lives by creating safety and leaning into our edges through communication and embodiment. We can re-wire our brains and bodies around things like desire, pleasure and sex - the healing potential is enormous.

To bring conscious awareness is to also understand how trauma can play a role in our intimacy and sex. There is much to say on the topic of trauma and healing, it’s for another article!

In conclusion, conscious sexuality is a transformative approach that invites us to bring awareness and intention to our sexual experiences. It emphasizes embodiment, encouraging us to be present in our bodies and connect with the sensations and feelings in the present moment. By tuning into our subtle energies and letting go of agendas, conscious sexuality opens the door to mind-blowing intimate and erotic experiences.

A key aspect of conscious sexuality is the recognition of boundaries and consent. Knowing and expressing our own boundaries, as well as respecting the boundaries of others, creates a safe space for deep and fulfilling sexual connections. Communication plays a vital role in this process, allowing us to navigate our desires and needs with honesty and authenticity.

Conscious sexuality empowers us by aligning us with our higher selves and harnessing our sexual energy. It deepens the connection between our body and spirit, nourishing and healing both the body and the soul. It highlights the importance of understanding our intentions and equips us to engage in meaningful conversations about relationships, desires, sexual health, and aftercare.

By practicing conscious sexuality, we challenge societal conditioning and unravel guilt and shame surrounding our sexual desires. It provides an opportunity for healing and rewiring our perspectives on pleasure, desire, and sex. While acknowledging that trauma can impact our intimacy and sexuality, it is important to explore this topic in greater depth, recognizing the immense potential for healing and growth.

In essence, conscious sexuality invites us to embark on a journey of self-discovery, connection, and empowerment. By cultivating awareness, communication, and embodiment, we can unlock profound pleasure and create more fulfilling and transformative sexual experiences in our lives which has a flow on effect to our family and community around us.